Checking In

Day Four of NaPoWriMo.

And now for today’s (optional) prompt, inspired by Teicher’s poem “Son“. One thing you might notice about this poem is that it is sad, but that it doesn’t generate that feeling through particularly emotional words. The words are very simple. Another thing you might notice is that it’s a sonnet – not in strict iambic pentameter, but fourteen rhymed, relatively short lines.

Today, we’d like to challenge you to write your own sad poem, but one that, like Teicher’s, achieves sadness through simplicity. Playing with the sonnet form may help you – its very compactness can compel you to be straightforward, using plain, small words.

My post from yesterday was sad enough, but okay. In sonnet form, here goes:

mirror 1500

Checking In

I don’t recall the last time we had dined
with just the two of us away from home.
I guess we’d never found ourselves inclined
to try relating one-on-one alone.

Conversation did not come easily,
but not for lack of words that need be said.
In short, your failing ears could not hear me.
Nonetheless you’d smile and nod your head.

A gentleman you’ve been for all your years,
your empty wallet drawn to pay the bill.
You needn’t pay, Dad, now that you live here.
I bussed the table once you’d had your fill.

A nurse came by and took you by the sleeve.
It’s best, she said, that you not see me leave.

Also posting for V.J.’s Weekly Challenge #42: farewells

About Maggie C

Stained glass artist, writer, respecter of life.
This entry was posted in daily prompt, humanity, poetry, serious stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Checking In

  1. Ahhh! Are you kidding me? You’re great for these sad themes. *baaawls*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. V.J. Knutson says:

    That ending is a killer – how age transforms us and distances us from who or what we might have been. How lucky for your father to have you visiting. Strange, isn’t it, that you never dined alone together before. Made me think of my own father.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your sonnet was skillfully written, Maggie. The ending was unexpected and that is exactly how a sonnet is supposed to be. I very much enjoyed reading this post – even if it is truly sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oloriel says:

    I wish to offer you a tearful hug.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Farewell to Farewells – One Woman's Quest II

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