the sixth stage of grief acceptance may bring comfort “What’s next?” leads to hope
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Category Archives: spirituality
I Just Want to Be
“I’m miserable,” she utters despondently.
Her head drops to the table,
face smushed into the sleeves of her sweatshirt.
“I just want to be happy.”
Happy? Hell, I’d settle for functional.
“Is that too much to ask?”
She sniffles into her sleeve.
“Not at all,” he says.
“Everyone deserves to be happy.”
Kind eyes. Calm voice. Practiced cadence.
How does one deserve an emotion? I wonder.
Either you feel it, or you don’t.
Or is it a state, and not an emotion?
The state of happiness…
Can one deserve to be in a state?
What about the state of depression?
No one deserves that, that’s for sure.
Then again, no one would likely say,
“I just want to be depressed.”
The clock on the wall seems frozen.
I will the hands to move more quickly.
They don’t.
Perhaps I don’t deserve a faster clock.
He turns toward me. Observation mode.
I don’t meet his gaze, but I don’t look away, either.
Blank eyes. Silence. Practiced apathy.
“And how are you this morning?” he asks gently.
I consider the question.
Perhaps I should have prepared a response.
It’s not like I didn’t know he’d ask.
“Depressed,” I say.
“That’s why I’m here.”
I just want to be well.
Is that too much to ask?
The Daily Post Discovery Challenge: Radical Authenticity
Weekend Coffee Share 9/3/16
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I can’t believe it’s September already! I suppose a lot of people are feeling that way. The weather has been pleasantly cooler this week, but I know there are still hot days to come before autumn settles in.
Autumn is my favorite time of year, and I have plenty of indoor projects lined up for the rainy season. More painting. More demolishing portions of the house and hoping I can reinstate them. And maybe more whittling:
If we were having coffee, I’d show you my “found art sculpture” that I’ve been whittling on and have decided is finished now. It is a section of wood that I pruned out of a tree, formed by two branches that grew together into a permanent knot.
Knotted branch pre-whittling.
I didn’t notice the unusual growth until I was gathering the cut branches to put them in the compost bin. Had I seen it before cutting it down, I may have left it to grow, to continue its bonding of two into one. But at least I spotted it in time to save it from being chipped up for mulch.
Knotted branch post-whittling.
I was going to put a coat of polyurethane on the wood to protect it, but I coated a sample piece of the same type of wood and I don’t like the look or feel of it. So this piece is going to stay au naturale.
I showed it to my sister in-law and she commented on how the feel of the smooth wood is calming. I hadn’t thought of it that way before she mentioned it, but I agree. And I’m glad I stuck to using only my utility knife for the project, instead of sanding it smooth. I think perhaps that affects the feel.
So maybe this is not a piece to be stuck on display and allowed to gather dust. Maybe it’s meant to be interactive. Handled now and again for textile calming and comfort. Admired for the complexity/simplicity of nature.
I know, I know. It’s just a piece of wood. But in that vein, one could also say that Michelangelo’s marble statue of David is just a rock.
And now that I’ve likened myself to Michelangelo, I suppose it’s time to come back to mundane reality. There are dishes to be washed, laundry to be folded, and whittling scraps to be swept up.
Thanks for stopping by and listening to my dissertation on the sublime qualities of a chunk of wood. Feel free to run your hand over the smooth branches on your way out, and have a calm, peaceful weekend.
#WeekendCoffeeShare is generously hosted by Diana at PartTimeMonsterBlog.com.
Discovery
I wanted to get away from it all, even though
I didn’t know what “it all” was exactly.
I just knew it wasn’t where I was,
and it wasn’t
sitting within the same walls and
looking out the same windows and
thinking the same thoughts and
falling into the same rutted patterns
of my daily existence.
I searched for someplace remote
but near civilization,
rustic
but with amenities,
in the wilderness
but not too wild…
and I found it:
a cabin
in the woods
in a forest
that I had thought only existed
in my dreams,
and it was
sitting on a porch
with my closest family members
looking at wildlife and tall trees and mountains in the distance,
thinking more expansively in the vastness of the forest,
falling into new patterns of peaceful companionship,
and while getting away from it all
I discovered that “it all”
is actually a matter of perspective and
is always
exactly where I am.
The Daily Post Discover Challenge: Designed for You
The Daily Post daily prompt: Learning
Morning Walks
The best walking companion is
one who helps you see
your surroundings
with fresh eyes.
The Daily Post weekly photo challenge: Morning
Couch for One (Plus One)
A Shared Journey
Ψ
Getting Acquainted
1.8
your “therapist look”
what lies hidden behind that
nonjudgmental mask
2.3
what will she ask me
or will she ask nothing – yet
wait for my reply
2.4
I trust you and yet
I don’t trust myself to know
in whom I can trust
2.18
I wish you’d somehow
relieve me of this shadow
but that’s not your job
Ψ
Getting Annoyed
3.4
misconstrued feelings
I end up defending thoughts
that never were mine
3.9
I want to be heard
or so you told me, but then
you didn’t listen
3.10
not satisfying
agreeing to disagree
when I know I’m right
Ψ
Getting Serious
3.11
laid to rest for years
you pulled back musty covers
hurts to be laid bare
3.12
heavy question posed;
answers blowin’ in the wind?
or just flighty thoughts?
Ψ
The Response I Didn’t Say Out Loud
3.16
you look down, she said.
yes I am; I don’t know why.
I will try harder.
Ψ
Self-Sabotage
3.17
wallowing in mire
wish you could pull me out, but
I know that’s my job
4.12
when things go too well
I feel the need for poison
that’s what she told me
4.13
which poison to choose
self-loathing memory loop
usually works
4.16
walking a thin line
why do I find it so hard
to choose happiness
Ψ
Getting Contemplative
5.13
introspection time
I get your words but do I
want to make them mine
5.20
does it matter why
I feel and think as I do?
why yes, yes it does
6.27
what would I have done
if granted a do-over
hard to imagine
Ψ
Getting Better?
6.28
what will I do now
each day is a do-over
up to me to choose
6.30
So what now? I asked.
Indeed, what now? she echoed.
I’m hopeful. Kind of.
7.22
rearranged my life
or at least the living room
life is next in line
Ψ
The Daily Post Discover Challenge: Shared Journeys
Where There’s Smoke…
fear-fed smokescreens lift as embers of hope ignite dreams banked in our hearts
Let Us Learn
flags fly at half-staff mourning tragedy once more history repeats
Pure White
Pure –
1. free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind;
free from extraneous matter.
Free from difference, inferiority, contamination…
Perhaps, just perhaps,
purity is in the eye
of the beholder.
Pure white flowers, tinged in purple.
Pure innocence surrounded by pure white light.
Pure white flame reflected in purely smooth melted wax.
Pure delight and wonder wrapped in pure white fur.
The Daily Post weekly photo challenge: Pure
Life Imitates Art
Life Imitates Art
What Rhymes with Stanza? 